Wednesday, April 15, 2009

How To Dismantle A Bomb

It's not an atomic bomb, and I'm not U2. But I think I know one way to take apart a bomb without allowing it to explode and wreak havoc on the world. Wanna know that one way? It's simple. It's two little words.

I'm sorry.

And maybe four more words.

I was an idiot.

There. Doesn't that feel better? Didn't you just hear that bomb stop ticking? Did your shoulders just descend from being stuck in your ears with stress?

I thought so.

If more people would use these helpful words, this world would be a better place. Even if the midwife let me push for four hours with not enough progression. Even if the doctors wouldn't allow me to decide for myself what I wanted because I'd been laboring too long, and they left it to my husband to make a decision with limited and inaccurate information. Even if the doctor broke her promise to properly prepare my body for forceps. I could cease being pissed if they'd just say they were sorry. If they'd stop justifying, blaming others (including me), and making excuses. If they'd just admit to being an idiot for one second.

But instead I'm left to diffuse my anger alone. It's a long and ugly story that didn't have to happen. If only someone would admit to being an idiot.

Oh God, this must end sometime. Until then, You've got to keep me going. I am too weak to keep this up on my own. And I think I exploded tonight. So I need a little help with clean up in aisle five. Okay. A lot of help.

Gotta run. My son is teething. It's gonna be a long night on so many levels.


Sarah said...

Oh, Inkling.It is incredible, isn't it how difficult some people find it to say something so simple and yet so healing.They are afraid, in this litigious world of ours, that a simple "I'm sorry" will land them in even more trouble and they are thinking of their own skins.More than a shame in a profession that should be thinking of others, not themselves.I am so sorry that you are in this situation.Keep going.Keep strong. Keep having outbursts because you have to let your frustration go somewhere, even if it does leave aisle 5 in a bit of a mess. You will come out the other side of this. You will.Thinking of you and sending you hugs. Sarah x

Kimberly said...

Oh honey, I'm so if you don't have enough on your plate!

Kelly said...

I'm sorry you had such a bad birth experience. I don't know if you'll ever hear sorry from the doctors or midwife just because they don't want to admit any wrongdoing.