Monday, January 19, 2009

To You Oh Lord, I Lift Up My Soul, I Trust In You....

So goes the Psalm. And so goes Inkling, though she is scared on the inside, hurting on the outside, and facing unknowns everywhere.

There have been some complications with my delivery and recovery due to a partial fourth degree tear and four hours of pushing before the emergency forceps delivery. I've courageously faced them one by one these past 12 days, but now am in need of extra help. I'll be heading to the hospital this afternoon to be sedated so they can take care of an abcess, some extensive bleeding from my stitching near the abcess, and perhaps some other things.

I pumped two ounces last night in my first ever pumping experience, and am trying to pump this morning. But my body isn't wanting to release the milk, most likely because I can now only lay in one position and it isn't ideal for pumping. But I'm still determined to try. We hope to only need enough for one feeding. If he has to temporarily go on formula, I will not die. But I will feel like dying. At least I've been able to watch him grow plump and big from my milk already. That is saying a lot because he has a partial tongue tie that they cannot repair (because there is nothing to cut), and that makes latching painful for me. So even though his latch isn't great and thus our time nursing takes a long time, I have been able to keep on providing for my son up until this moment. I pray I can continue to provide for him in that way.

I would ask you to pray for us. Thank you.

1 comment:

MamaVee said...

I hope everything went well for you with the surgery! Difficult recovery from a birth makes everything, well, just more difficult than it already is, my heart goes out to you.

I also had a very difficult time with breastfeeding in the beginning, although not with tongue tie, but I do understand your pain and the feeling that all you ever do is breastfeed, all day all day all day long. As wonderful as your head tells you it is - it's difficult work when you have blisters or cracks or scabs on your nipples.

It sounds like you have professional breast feeding advice already, but make sure, if it's hard, you get help early and often - it makes a huge difference. I needed professional breast feeding help SIX times - and I'm a trained birth & post partum doula with extensive lactation training myself, even those who "know" need help, so don't be afraid to ask for it!

My God bless you richly in this precious time. May your hours of rest be multiplied, may your body mend quickly, may your milk be abundant and your heart be peaceful.