So my son is teething. His top front teeth have been trying to come through for some weeks now, but despite hugely swollen gums, nothing else is happening. He's in a lot of pain, and that combined with his hesitation to sleep when he'd rather be spinning around in circles, made for a rough bedtime routine tonight.
I fed him, gave him pain meds, read to him, rocked him, and nursed him before laying him down the first time. He cried and cried and cried. And these cries were not angry ones, but pitiful and frightened ones. So after a few minutes, I went and got him. And rocked him and tried to nurse some more. He wasn't having it, but wanted to play, so back to bed he went so I could eat sushi with my husband. (Oh My Goodness, that was wonderful. Of course, we didn't get anything that had raw meat in it. Everything he chose was cooked for my sake.)
Grasshopper cried solidly and again they were not angry cries, but ones that let me know he really needed me. So we dimmed the kitchen lights and went and got him, taking turns holding him so we could eat. But when I was finished and went to rock him, he just wanted to move all over the place like a squirmy worm. I knew he was so tired and desperately needed sleep, and that if he would just relax and stop turning circles in my arms that he would go right to sleep. But he wouldn't, so back to bed he went as there was nothing he would let me do for him.
Finally, his cries were getting totally frantic and I could tell from the volume that he was now standing in his crib, facing the doorway. He needed me. So I turned off the living room lights, went and got him, and then came back and rocked him.
This time he was ready. He melted into my chest under his flannel blanket, sucking his thumb contentedly. Awhile later, I could feel the slow, even cadence of his breathing, letting me know he was ready to curl up in his crib by himself. He practically melted into his crib mattress too, curled up in a little ball before sprawling out on his tummy as I covered him with his blankets.
And it hit me. Am I like that with God? Does God know that I desperately need His comfort and rest, and want me to just melt into His lap so that He can give those things to me? But instead, I spend my time turning in circles, looking to other people and things for comfort, calling this person and that person never satisfied that anyone really understands me, doing a bit of retail therapy we really cannot afford, eating chocolate anything not thinking of how it will show on the outside of my body, refusing to just settle down with His Word in the quiet of my home. And I wonder at my unhappiness and unsettledness, confused and surprised that nothing is making me feel better. But then desperation sets in and I run to Him with overwhelming emotions, throwing myself headlong into His mercy.
Before I know it, I'm passed out in the rest and comfort He gives, finding my tense muscles melting into the original supple way He designed them to be. And I realize that this could have happened much sooner had I only run to Him first and let Him be my comforter.
And I wonder, does God see me as I see Grasshopper?