Thursday, August 20, 2009

Well then...

I'd like to get on here and say that life is wonderful. In reality, it is very hard.

British Columbia has no money for healthcare until next year. That means only a miracle will get me in for surgery before the new year. We're looking into paying for it, even though we really cannot afford it. We have a tiny bit in savings - for an emergency or for the beginnings of a down payment on a house. But I don't think I can keep going on living unless I get my body fixed.

No one seems to want to advocate for me, and I am learning how to work the rules of this crazy Canadian system. Socialism works if the government isn't broke. When it runs out of money, a screen door on a submarine is more effective at keeping out water than socialized medicine is at taking care of people.

I am low. I've cried out for help. But there really isn't much anyone can do. And people are tired of trying.

I am numb. Because really, if I allowed myself to feel what I'm feeling to its fullness, I would probably not make it.

So there you have it in a nutshell. Life is very hard right now, and I'm thinking that the only thing at the end of this tunnel is probably an oncoming train.

Don't you just love my optimism? Yeah. Me too.


Sarah said...

Oh, Inkling, I feel for you so much. It must all seem like an unending nightmare, when it should be such a happy time for you and your new baby.I send you such big hugs and I wish we could get together and have that glass of wine and that everything would be ok.Keep hanging in there. This time will end and it will get better.By the time your boy is the same age as mine this will all be a distant memory and it will have made you stronger and able to appreciate life far more than those who have an easy ride.I know that probably this afternoon seems a long way off at the moment, but please, keep going, keep asking for help,keep accepting help. Hugs to you across the ocean. Sarah xx

Marc and Megan said...

I really wanted to thank you so much for the comment you left on my blog the other day. I was touched by your kindness and thoughtfulness.

It sounds like you're climbing your own steep mountain. And, maybe this is proof that misery loves company, but I didn't mind this post at all. It feels very real and very genuine... and that is such a refreshing quality to find.

I'm sorry for the struggles you're having... I will keep you in my prayers, that your burden will be lifted, that answers will come to you, that you won't feel alone along the way. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can email me anytime. marcandmegan(at)gmail(dot)com