Overheard

The other day some friends of ours were discussing my usage of "Inkling" on everything. They thought it must symbolize something, but they didn't quite know what that might be. When I told them, they had the typical "aha" moment, and then life went back to normal with our boys playing and the men talking and me sitting quietly and making sure no one toppled Grasshopper over in their enthusiasm for life.

Even though I feel as if part of my brain has disappeared since giving up all teaching jobs and moving to Canada to become a wife and mother, I still try to stay somewhat connected to my love of all things literary. It's not particularly easy when my toddler would rather have me read Goodnight, Gorilla five zillion times in a row. But I try. I even made the owner of a local used bookstore light up when I asked him if he had any John Buchan or Arthur Quiller Couch in stock. I think he'd had one too many people trying to sell him their cast off Danielle Steele's that day, and he needed a sign that not all was lost in the realm of literature appreciation.

So, do you have some literary loves? Do you too wish you could have been invited to an informal meeting of the Inklings? Do you wish you could have known Henry David (the original one, not my husband) to ask him about his writings and thoughts? Or am I the only one surreptitiously smelling books in used bookstores and looking to know Hugo Dyson and his fellow comrades a little better? Please tell me I'm not the only one. But if I am, maybe that's okay. After all, that leaves more Q for me. =)

Bits & Pieces

So I guess it's been awhile since I've written. Life has been so busy, and though I've been learning and experiencing a lot, I haven't had a whole lot to say that could be shared in this spot. But I'll give it a try....

~ Grasshopper is growing. He is such a delight. He isn't talking outside of a very few words. I worry sometimes, but his comprehension and ability to understand are so great that I'm trying to just be patient. People keep telling me that he will be one of those kids who just starts speaking in paragraphs when he turns three. I hope that's correct. For now, we he's good at saying "no, bah (for bottle), bo (for book), yeah, mama, dada, ball, dat (for that)" and he makes various animal and machine sounds.

He still sleeps in our bed. Henry David is probably going to build him a bed of his own, and I'm hoping to move out my dresser and put it there until I can feel comfortable having him in the nursery. Because the nursery has the boiler closet in it, that makes me more than a little nervous. Plus, I like having Grasshopper close by. I sleep better and so does he. But it's getting to be that time where the mama and the daddy get their bed back to themselves.

He still isn't a great eater and he still asks for a bottle at night. We're working on this. If chocolate could suddenly possess all the nutrients of the fruits and vegetables of the world, we wouldn't have a problem. But as it is not the same as a green bean or piece of kale, I will continue to try to get my child to eat enough so he can grow.

He loves to help me with chores, regularly running "errands" for me around the house, emptying out the dishwasher and handing me the dishes, loading and unloading the washer, and helping me mop and sweep and dust. He's actually quite good at it. For 21 months, I find that impressive. The trick will be helping him keep that desire to clean and do chores once he's into his elementary years.

~ I've been reading. After a long time of literary starvation, I am making up for lost time. I read David Platt's Radical recently and am attempting to take on the year long experiment he suggests. I also enjoyed some books about First Nations, and one woman's journey through Labrador. And of course, I'm always checking out cookbooks from the library and discovering new recipes and methods of cooking. My latest find is a cookbook from Iraq. Books for Grasshopper are also on my reading list, with the latest being one on mollusks. (Did you know a slug is a mollusk? We have a lot of those, and he is very intrigued with them, so getting a book on them seemed like a good idea.) I'm in the middle of reading Ravi Zacharias' latest, Has Christianity Failed You?, and it is proving to be rather intriguing. I'm also in the middle of reading Chesterton's Orthodoxy, which is one that I've been wanting to tackle for awhile now. And finally, I'm in the middle of reading Catherine's Gift, which is a sequel of sorts to the book Hospital by the River about a doctor who pioneered fistula treatment in Ethiopia. This book is breaking my heart all over again, and as much as the idea of traveling to Africa makes me want to puke, the idea of loving on women who have been through a hell that I can definitely begin to understand firsthand makes me want to go despite my fear. I keep dreaming of all the things I would load in my suitcase to take to them. (Poise pads included.)

~ Speaking of fistula treatment....that continues to be a journey. I continue to press on with physical therapy to regain my ability to run and do anything requiring the use of my core. I go on a retreat in less than two weeks, and during the free time I plan to use that time to put my experience into official words for the official complaints. A part of me would rather just forget this part of my journey and go on with my life, but protecting other women from the poor medical practice of the folks involved in my case is a responsibility of mine. (God didn't give me a justice complex for no reason.) The surgery appears to have been successful, and though I still experience pain at times, the fistula seems to be gone once and for all. We still won't know for some months, but I am hopeful that my days of living with an abscessing fistula are permanently over. Now the hard work of getting back into shape after nearly two years of mostly sedentary living has begun, though it is hampered by not yet being allowed to run or do anything that would use my abdominal muscles to a great degree.

~ We are going "home" for Thanksgiving for the first time since getting married. I am excited to get to celebrate with Americans and really experience all the tradition again. I try to keep it up here on my own, but it's not nearly as fun. And it's also not nearly as easy since Henry David doesn't get American Thanksgiving off as a holiday in Canada, which means I'm cooking all day all by myself. So going home is going to be special. I can't wait!

~ I'm being stretched and challenged in a few areas of life, not the least of which is my collection of clothing and books. I'm being moved to share it permanently with others around me who actually have greater need of it than I do. So far, I've made some small attempts to share. Nothing earth shattering yet, but I'm on my way. A friend of mine was gifted with my favorite wool skirt and some favorite wool sweaters and some favorite tops. I don't know yet if she has chosen to keep them (if they fit and if she likes them), but I'm hoping they bless her in some way. My goal is to feel the "freedom we find from the things we leave behind".

~ We're doing a marriage book as the current study for our home group (a small group of couples from our church). The women are reading For Women Only and the men are reading For Men Only. We decided to do this after realizing that we collectively knew too many couples to count who have been married for years but are throwing in the towel, as well as other couples who were going through a tough season (us included). So we're reading the books and discussing them, and then standing together to commit to encourage one another in marriage and to stand by each other as couples. After that, we're talking about reading a book that deals with the whole idea of being "downwardly mobile" and participating in distributing wealth. (In other words, there isn't a shortage of wealth in our world. There is just a shortage of distribution and sharing. Not to be equated with socialism or communism, of course!!!)

~ This summer I didn't get to harvest any berries, but I did get to can peaches and make grape jelly. A young couple in our church are starting up a community garden on the hazelnut farm our church owns for next year, and I jumped at the chance to sign up for a plot. I can't wait to get back into gardening and putting up fruit and veggies. It should be easier next year because Grasshopper will be older and my health will be hopefully back to normal, enabling me to actually go pick berries and plant a garden. When they announced this idea on Sunday, it took everything in me not to cheer loudly. As it was, even my "soft" cheering collected stares and some laughter from those sitting around us. Obviously, I'm pumped!

I think that's about it. I need to get back to chores and completing my "homework" to facilitate tonight's home group. The chapter is on respect. I'm just hoping my questions resonate with the women in the group. We are technically the babies of the group, having only been married for 4.5 years. Everyone else is in their second or third decade of marriage. Bye for now....

Where Do You Put Your Heart To Work?

Lately it seems that the world's brokenness is just so huge, so impossibly big for a 5'1" redhead to change. But like JJ Heller sings about how a cup of cold water can change the world, I keep on giving out cups of cold water and accepting the occasional cup that comes my way to help heal my own brokenness.

This morning I listened from our little den in Canada to my President answer questions. Someone asked him about the sorry state of something or other and asked for the reasons for it's brokenness. Of course, the President said something perfectly acceptable and expected. But inside, I kept thinking, shouldn't he mention that this world is a broken place in need of a Savior, The Savior?

Too many couples to count are being assailed until love begins to fail, hearts grow cold, and the fires of love and commitment die down and threaten to become ash. We watch on the sidelines, and sometimes we are in the horrible game ourselves. It's a fight. A fight to keep love alive. A fight to stay faithful to one's vows made before so much water under a bridge. We alternately cheer the ones we see struggling to keep on fighting, and then we fight to keep our own marriage intact and strong.

Babies are being born with Trisomy 18 and I just ask God how long. How long must mamas have bursting hearts? How long must parents fight for the care they need for their precious wee ones while the doctors and various organizations (social security, etc.) are saying that a disorder is incompatible with life and therefore not worthy of an effort or a fight.

The women and children in the Congo. Forever impacted in their bodies, minds and hearts. How long, Lord? Will You step in? They need rescued.

Those children in families in tin shacks on the side of a mountain in Guatemala who cling to life just as the tin of their home clings to the side of the mountain. Will their lives rush away like the walls of their homes when the rains come unrelenting? Who will come to them and provide even basic clean water and food and shelter? Who will keep them from harm? Who will tell them about a Savior? Who will be their savior?

A young woman forever altered because of medical malpractice seeks to get a normal life back and protect other women from injury. As I (the young woman) research this area to see about help and healing, I uncover story after story of heartbreaking neglect and incompetence. Who will speak up for the helpless? Who will fight an uphill battle against a modern day Goliath?

A doctor well loved in the community discovers he has Parkinson's. The disease is held at bay for a few years, but then it begins to show. What of his faithfulness? Who will be his Healer? He who has worked to be healing hands to so many?

Another doctor watches patients with months and weeks left here on earth and finds that all the important words to say don't often get said. He uses his time and talents and resources to write songs, lullabies actually that will soothe their injured hearts and comfort them as they face death. Who will partner with him to get these songs into every needy hand and every hurting heart?

Those youth on the streets on a Friday night. Looking a little lost despite being in the middle of the herd. Knowing that their home life is a bit of a wreck. Who will come and mentor them? Who will tell them that they were created as masterpieces with a purpose?

The original occupants of our lands, those aboriginals, natives, whatever label the area places on them, what of them? Displaced, addictions enabled, government that seeks to help too little too late after too much damage, high suicide rates, separated from the rest of society where both sides have become unwilling to understand and live together in harmony. Some of us long to reach out, but our color is the first thing they see and it is not at all attractive to them because of the history they carry in their hearts. Where will healing come from?

And I could keep on writing until my fingers were raw and bleeding from typing. So much brokenness. So much hurt.

So what are you doing with your heart and your passion and your resources? Where are you putting them to work? Where is your cup of water going to help change our world? And how in the world can I make my cup of water grow into thousands upon thousands of cups of water?

Car Seat Love

It was time to buy a new carseat for our little guy. We'd had the Graco Safeseat since we brought him home from the hospital, and it was finally coming to within 1" of the height limit for usability. So our search was on. I combed the internet for reviews, reading both American and Canadian*. That led me to three top choices: the Graco My Ride 65, and two from Britax.

We intended to go to a shop called Baby's World on the way home from physical therapy today in Vancouver, get a ton of customer service with expert advisors, and then go save a ton of money by buying it down the road at Baby's-R-Us where you get good pricing but horrid customer service. Well.....

Baby's World is routinely more expensive on the same products I can find in other stores. But this time, they were running a sale on Britax of 20%, plus they were subsidizing over half of the HST. We spent a ton of time there narrowing down our options, and then headed to Baby's-R-Us to check out the Graco model and see their prices.

Less than five minutes in the big box store told us we were NOT giving them our business. Not only did their sale end yesterday, but it was still advertised and when I asked the clerk about it, she took the flyers away and told us the prices we saw on retail would have to do. They were WAY more than Baby's World, and an average of $50 more than their own online prices. And the Graco model sounded better online than it looked in person. So we walked out of there after telling them we were headed back to Baby's World with some smug satisfaction.

Call us crazy, but we are the happy and ecstatic owners of the Britax Advocate CS. I love the pattern, and the way it fits in our tiny little Jetta is amazing. I LOVE the fact that we can raise the shoulder straps with a simple turn of a knob to get an incremental and perfect fit. No more rethreading straps and pulling everything apart!

We're still rear facing, and plan to be until our little guy turns 2. The height limit for rear facing is almost reached though, so we will just keep checking the position of his legs and his comfort level. If the leg room isn't a problem after he turns two, we'll reevaluate then, because research shows how much greater safety is when children are rear facing. While I would love to let him face forward so he could see so much more, the research I've read is more compelling than being able to point out cows on the side of the road.

We plan to use this one until our little guy turns 4 or 5, and then we'll evaluate to see if he's still comfortable. Currently, our plan is to buy the booster with a high back after this one for him to use until he's out of carseats altogether. Of course, there's always the potential advent of another kiddo to make us juggle carseats too, so we're open to the time frame. Right now, we're just enjoying the Lazy Boy of carseats. If only my driver's seat were that comfortable. ;)

Thank you, Government of Canada, for the monthly "gifts" you send us specifically for having a child. Those gifts are the reason we can buy such nice childcare items.

And thank you, Baby's World, for once again offering customer service that rocks the world and makes your customer's days brighter. You guys are amazing. I may not be able to afford most of what you sell, but for big and important items like stroller and carseats, you guys are THE BEST. And I still remember how kind you were to my grandparents when they came to look at Bob.

*Car seats must be purchased in the country you live in for them to be accepted by insurance companies. Even if we bought the same product in the States, our insurance would NOT cover us if we were to be in a wreck. That's just the way it goes.

Prayers for a Family Needed

One of my favorite blogs is by Angie Smith. She has a friend, Adrienne, who also write a special blog. Adrienne and her husband have been on an incredible journey that has led to three adoptions and one biological birth. She gave birth last night to a baby boy named Bennett Isaac at 26 weeks 5 days gestation. You can read about this little man on her blog here. Because he stopped growing a few weeks ago, he's even tinier than the normal almost 27 weeker, and he's really struggling. I would ask you to pray for this family and just to be thinking of them. My only connection with them other than the fact that they live close to my brother is that I once bought Tupperware from one of their adoption sponsors to help them raise money. I don't know them personally, but my heart goes out to them. Please pray. Regardless of what ends up happening today, I know this journey is going to be tough and hard on their hearts. Thanks!

Where Has This Book Been All My Life?

Awhile back, I was on my way to the post office across the border to mail a package of earrings to a little girl who just had her ears pierced. But the line was so long that I knew the post office would be closed before I could even make it across, and no one would let me over into the left lane so that I could escape at the last place possible before going into an area where you HAVE to cross. I was frustrated and tried to figure out what in the world I'd tell the border guard. Truth be told, I'd just come from a pretty emotional meeting where I shared the emotional impact I'm dealing with as a result of the malpractice that caused my traumatic birth injury. So I was already near tears. The whole Canadians not letting me over to go back into Canada and try the border another day only made me even more homesick.

The poor border guard asked the innocent question, "Where are you going and what is the purpose of your trip?"

"Lynden. I'm just homesick."

"Oh, you have family in Lynden?"

"No, they are a couple thousand miles away. But I'm just homesick and need to be in America for awhile. I thought I'd go to Lynden to a bookstore."

"Oh. Well, uh, carry on. Hope you have a better day."

So I drove to Lynden, frustrated that all that waiting kept me from mailing that package and that I'd have to wait another week to mail it. But I kept driving, crying and asking God to do something. I was pretty ticked in reality. Missing the States, frustrated with Canada for a variety of reasons (I do love it most days), I just needed something, anything to encourage me and bring some joy.

For some reason, I wandered down the audio aisle at the bookstore and noticed an audio book called the Heart Mender. I read the back and was intrigued, but put it down since I never have a chance to listen long enough to a book. Besides, I'd decided to buy a cd of music that would speak to me. So I went to the cds and picked out two, trying to decide which one would be the best pick-me-up possible. Then the bargain books caught my eye, but there was nothing there. But over in the corner where the "A's" begin in the fiction section I saw Heart Mender by Andy Andrews. I decided to splurge and took it home.

It wasn't until this past Wednesday that I even had a chance to pick it up. I read the first four chapters during some rare alone time, and was totally hooked. After putting Grasshopper to bed, I couldn't help myself. I picked it up and before I knew it, it was almost 2 in the morning and I was finished with one of the most amazing books I've ever read. For me, it was the perfect book. For it softened my heart and made me open to the possibility of forgiving the midwife and OB who are responsible for altering my health permanently. As I lay there contemplating all the profound messages in this book, I realized some pretty deep things about my own situation. And somewhere inside, the hard shell I've been building these past 18 months got a crack in it. I'm not saying that I don't still have moments (like now) when I'd happily watch those two medical practitioners get a taste of their own medicine, but the Heart Mender opened my eyes to how it may one day be possible to look back and say that I have indeed forgiven them and found freedom from all the anger and hurt that currently weighs be down.

If you like stories that are basically true; if you like stories that build your anticipation and make you laugh and cry and come out a better person, this book is the one for you. I love it. Go read it. The Heart Mender by Andy Andrews. Lord bless that man for seeing a story in a rusty vegetable can. Incredible.

So Many Ways To Make A Difference

This blog is always quiet on the comments sent to my box, but I know some of you are actually reading. While my current calling seems to be a combination of motherhood and homemaking and advocacy for women with birth injuries, a young woman I know of has another calling. I just thought I'd post one of her videos here for you to watch. It will link you to other related videos and ways to get more information about the Not For Sale campaign. I figure posting it might make someone out there sense a calling on their life for this particular subject. (Again, you'll probably want to go directly to YouTube to watch this. I'm thinking that perhaps my template is cutting the video in half, but don't have time to rectify that today.)